


Jerk In Japan

by KB9VCN



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-30
Updated: 2003-06-30
Packaged: 2018-09-02 19:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8680873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Written June 2003; humor/parody.
Sung to "Genius In France" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
You'll need to know some beginner's Japanese to get through this, but I imagined that my target audience would know most of those words.
While I am not easily offended myself, and I enjoy an "Inspector Clouseau" accent as much as the next American, a few of the original lyrics worry me.  Anyway, this parody is meant to entertain, not offend, and while I've got a few lines *about* stereotypes, I honestly tried not to include any offensive jokes or phrases.
"Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe.  I dispute that.  I say that there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." —Frank Zappa (1940-1993)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written June 2003; humor/parody.
> 
> Sung to "Genius In France" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
> 
> You'll need to know some beginner's Japanese to get through this, but I imagined that my target audience would know most of those words.
> 
> While I am not easily offended myself, and I enjoy an "Inspector Clouseau" accent as much as the next American, a few of the original lyrics worry me. Anyway, this parody is meant to entertain, not offend, and while I've got a few lines *about* stereotypes, I honestly tried not to include any offensive jokes or phrases.
> 
> "Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of  
>  the universe. I dispute that. I say that there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the  
>  basic building block of the universe." —Frank Zappa (1940-1993)

I've got an astro-physics PhD   
I've been told Steven Hawking learned a lot from me   
But I'm a comics nerd - and an animation fan   
And I'm a jerk in Japan (yeah), jerk in Japan, jerk in Japan!

Ooh, _baka baka_ , ooh, _baka baka_ , ooh, _baka_

I always fill out my own income tax   
I took the test to join Mensa in my sleep and passed   
But I'm obsessed with - every - show my fan club ran   
Like Ranma and Tenchi and Bebop and Sailor Moon and Evangelion   
And I've become a jerk in Japan, jerk in Japan, jerk in Japan!

People said I would be an amazing prodigy   
I was reading Nietzsche when I was in the nursery   
If I was any smarter, I would be smarter than two of me!

But when the Japanese see me - they all run away   
Like I was a thing - that came from Tokyo Bay   
When I'm in Japan - I'm the _kowai_ -est, ne?

They hate my shoddy fan art and my bad cosplay   
They hate my Japanese - every word that I say

And when I'm singing karaoke-ay-ay-ay   
In some arcade, like in anime-ay-ay,   
They heckle me, and then they say

They say, " _Gaikokujin_ , go away!"   
" _Gaikokujin_ , go away!"   
" _Sono hito no atama ga totemo warui da!_ "   
" _Gaijin! Gaijin!_ "

And I buy collectibles, it's true   
Got some figurines, and phone cards too

I do cosplay every chance I get   
I made an impression at this year's Komiket   
A "Sailor Moon" costume *does* look weird   
Whenever it's worn by a middle-aged - heavy-set man with a beard   
A fat man with a beeeard, a fat man with a beard

But when I'm in Japan, I'm in low demand   
The strangest guy in the strangest of lands   
And I will translate why, in case you don't understand

(He's a jerk in Japan, jerk in Japan) _Sou da_!   
(He's a jerk in Japan, jerk in Japan) _Yappari_!   
(He's a jerk in Japan, jerk in Japan, jerk in Japan!)

And everyone in Tokyo is sick of me   
And the folks in Hokkaido seem to agree   
I say, " _Daijoubu da_ , I can say it in Japanese"

They say, " _Nani?_ " That's right, they say " _Nani?_ "   
" _Nani?_ " They say " _Nani?_ "

I'm smarter than the average bear   
But those Far-Easterners don't care   
I'm a genius here, but I'm stoopid there   
I'm a jerk in Japan - (yeah) I'm a jerk in Japan

Gonna spend all my cash when I shop in Ginza   
Gonna make the salesmen scream   
" _Baka na! Baka na! Baka na!_ "

When I come _mata_ , I make them say, " _Masaka!_ "   
When I come _mata_ , I make them say, _mata_

_Bakayarou da_ , ooh-ee-ooh   
_Bakayarou da_ , ooh-ee-ooh

(bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy)   
(bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy bow)

I would make it short, and abbreviate   
But I've learned J-A-P's an expression of hate   
Don't commend the shade of the womens' skin   
'Cause that's a slur, and sexism   
History's alright, but whatever you do,   
Don't recite tasteless jokes from World War II (World War II)

I took a walk in the city, and I'm ready to collapse   
On a hot and humid day, I gasp (huh-huh-huh-huh-huh)   
And gasp (huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh)

Folks in Japan are usually subdued   
They'll serve bitter tea and make expensive food   
But when they see me, they start to turn blue   
They think that I am one dumb _otaku_

(bowm ba ba bowm ba bowm ba bowm)

I looked around a park for the giant moth   
Seven samurai came to chase me off

_Hontou ni_ , it's very true   
The folks over there look just like me and you   
But I'm looking for all the girls that they drew   
Where are the cat girls? The mech pilots, too?

Well, I like Anna Miller's waitress girls   
But when they serve me coffee, pots get hurled   
They won't even welcome me at the _soba_ noodle stand   
And I'm a jerk in Japan (yeah), jerk in Japan, jerk in Japan!

And I'm never goin' back, I'm never goin' back   
They'd never ever even let me off the plane again   
Even when I was in Osaka   
Everyone called me a _gaijin aho baka_   
'Cause I'm never goin' back, I'm never goin' back   
I'm never goin' back

The nerds back home never have any fun   
But I'm showin' all my friends how tourism's done   
And I'm a full eclipse across the land of the rising sun   
But _shitsurei shimashita_ , I'm a jerk in Japan

Every _geisha_ girl I meet   
Throws me out, back in the street   
"Use the vending machines to eat!"

(bowm diddy bowm diddy bowm diddy)

I've eaten several month's full supply of Pocky   
I'm stuffed with _sushi_ and drunk with _sake_   
Even high school girls in uniforms deride and mock me

They're cute, but they're underaged girls   
They're cute, but they're underaged   
They're cute, but they're underaged girls   
They're cute, but they're underaged

I can't get a date - to save my life   
The women always look at me - like I've just pulled a knife   
You should see their expression   
When I talk about my - tentacle pr0n collection

And the Japanese   
Said I had to leave   
I'm a jerk in Japan--

" _Ano, donde esta the bathroom desu ka?_ "

" _Arigato gracias._ "


End file.
